


Hope Is The Thing With Feathers

by waywardstardust



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, BLACKWING - Freeform, Brotzly - Freeform, Dghda, Dirk!Whump, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I just needed to get out some Dirk feels okay, M/M, Mention of the electrocutions?, Rating for Todd's potty mouth, Sweetheart Todd, or after, set somewhere in season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 16:18:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12535932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardstardust/pseuds/waywardstardust
Summary: Set somewhere in/after season 2.Dirk's back after being held in Blackwing for two months and he assures everyone he's fine. Todd, however, isn't buying it. Against his natural instinct to, you know, never talk about feelings ever, he's determined to let Dirk know he's not alone.





	Hope Is The Thing With Feathers

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!  
> So, season 2 is effing me up and I need some Dirk!Whump about all this Blackwing stuff, so, I wrote some.  
> I hope you like it! Lemme know!

Todd tried very hard not to stare at Dirk too obviously.

  
He’d been keeping a close eye on him ever since he managed to escape from Blackwing - how he had done that was still unclear to Todd, but the details didn’t really matter, because Dirk was free.  
As much as Dirk has tried to hide it, whenever he didn’t realize Todd was watching, he looked... Sad, almost. The usual happy-go-lucky Dirk Gently disappeared and a more quiet, thoughtful, melancholy one appeared.

This really troubled Todd. Not that he had thought that something like what Dirk had been through wouldn’t affect him. What worried Todd was the fact that Dirk seemed to be in denial, or at least hiding his trauma from everyone else.

Since Dirk had gotten back from Blackwing, he had taken on another case and thrown himself completely into it. He was mostly his old self. big grins and big plans. Sometimes he forgot to eat and sleep because he was so indulged in the case of ”finding the boy.”

  
In fact, the only time Dirk focused on anything outside the case, was when Todd had one of his pararibulitis attacks. Dirk refused to let the case go to take care of himself, but when Todd’s illness perked up, Dirk would drop everything and find a way to help Todd.

  
Having had Dirk be there for him through something like that since the moment he got back but seeing the pain in his eyes when he thought no one could see made Todd sad.

He was determined to help Dirk. He just couldn’t figure out how. To be totally honest, he was crap at talking about feelings himself, so finding a way to approach Dirk was proving to be very difficult.

In addition to that, Dirk, though a very expressive and open person, was very closed off when it came to certain subjects, one of them being Blackwing.

So this all had lead Todd to where he was now: sitting across the room from Dirk, contemplating his options while staring at his friend intensely.

Really, he should’ve known Dirk would notice his weird behavior. The guy was pretty observant.

”Todd.” Dirk spoke up.

Todd looked at him with the best innocent expression he could muster up.

”Yeah?”

  
”Is there a particular reason as to why you’ve been staring at me for the past half an hour? Or, you know. The past few weeks?” Dirk questioned.

  
”Wh-what? I haven’t been... Doing that?” Todd stuttered out a response.

  
”Todd. I’m basically a psychic.” Dirk said, raising his eyebrows in an unimpressed manner.

  
Todd sat up straight in his chair. ”Yeah? Cause for as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been pretty insistent on no one calling you-”

  
”I wish you wouldn’t change the subject.” Dirk interrupted.

  
Todd sighed. ”I’m just... Kind of worried about you.” Todd finally explained, slightly cringing at how foreign such a statement sounded coming out of his mouth. Well, when it came to anyone but his little sister anyway.

Dirk seemed genuinely confused. ”Why?”

Todd sighed. Apparently he had to get even more out of his comfort zone.

”Dirk... What you went through in those two months in Blackwing”, He noticed Dirk physically flinch at the mention of Blackwing, ”couldn’t have been easy. And... I just... I worry that you’re not dealing with it.” Todd tried to explain carefully.

  
”Todd, I’m fine. It’s not like it was my first experience as a CIA lab rat.” Dirk said, trying to lighten the mood, but it had the opposite effect on Todd. Who goes through something like that at all, let alone twice?

”Dirk...”

  
”Todd, really, I’m fine.” Dirk sighed, less convincing this time.

He looked tired. He’d looked very tired ever since he got back.

”Okay.” Todd replied. He thought about letting the subject go. He did try and Dirk obviously didn’t want to talk. Yet, against all his natural instincts, he decided to keep going.

  
”Just... You know that this whole pararibulitis nightmare has been really... Not easy for me. And it’s a lot to handle, to people around me, too. But still... You’ve been there for me. Through attacks and all the angst the disease brings and... I just want you to know that... I want to do the same for you. Be there for you, I mean. I’ve been a shitty friend before, I know that, but I just... I want to be a better friend. So... Yeah. My point is, I’m here for you, Dirk. Just... Remember that, okay?” Todd tried to express his feelings but kept stumbling on his words.

The look on Dirk face, however, told him his point had come across.

  
”Todd... I really am fine.” Dirk basically whispered. He seemed moved but still wouldn’t budge.

  
”Okay. Just... Letting you know.” Todd replied and got up from his chair.

”Todd...” Dirk spoke up again.

Todd turned around to face him again.

  
”I... Thank you. I’m fine, but, I appreciate it. You. I appreciate you.” Dirk said.

  
Todd gave him an awkward smile.

”Anytime. That’s what best friends are for, right?” Todd chuckled, knowing full well that neither him or Dirk had much experience with friends, let alone best friends.

The joke seemed lost on Dirk, though, since his response was smiling like the sun.

-

A few days after their talk, Todd walked into his apartment where he’d left Dirk while he went out for food.

However, he did not find Dirk the way he’d left him.

Dirk was sitting on the floor, hands around his knees, his face expressionless and his eyes frozen staring at the wall opposite him. He was slightly rocking himself back and forth.

”Dirk?” Todd questioned, putting the bags of food on the table.

  
Dirk physically jumped when he heard Todd’s voice. He turned to look at Todd and tried to immediately put on a brave face.

  
”Hello Todd. Did you get the food? I’m positively famished!” He exclaimed.

Todd however wasn’t going to let it go.

  
”Dirk. Talk to me. Please.” He said.

Dirk looked down at his hands and sighed.

  
”I... I went to plug my phone charger into the outlet... And it shocked me slightly. It really didn’t hurt much, I just... They used to... In Blackwing, if I ever disobeyed or... Didn’t perform well in the experiments... They’d electrocute me. I didn’t... I didn’t think it affected me that much but... Somehow the phone charger... For a second I thought I was back there. It- I’ve always been alone. My whole life, but I’ve never felt more lonely than I did in Blackwing. Both times. It just... God, it was miserable. And I can’t help but feel like... They got me twice. It’s only a matter of time before I’m dragged back there again.” Dirk explained in a heartbreakingly quiet voice.

Todd had to really try hard not to cry. He’d never seen the optimistic detective this vulnerable. He wanted to go on a rampage and punch everyone who inflicted pain on Dirk.

”Dirk...” Todd started but Dirk seemed to regret his little speech and interrupted.

  
”I know it’s stupid, but-”

”Dirk, no.” Todd said and Dirk quieted.

Todd lowered himself to the floor next to Dirk who still wouldn’t look at him.

”Listen. What you’ve been through... What was done to you, is traumatic. It’s horrible and it never ever should’ve happened. Not when you were a child, not a few weeks ago. No one deserves that. Definitely not you. You experienced a trauma and you’re allowed to be fucked up about it. You’re allowed. Hell, you should be! Don’t push that crap down, feel it. Let it happen.

And as much as it sucks... You’re not alone, Dirk. Not this time. Not ever again. No matter what, I’m here. I know you’re not used to having anyone, but... Well, get used to it. I’m stuck with you now and you’re stuck with me. That’s the deal. Ever since you broke into my apartment through the window. Or, technically since you told yourself from the past that I was your best friend... Whichever happened first, I’m still not totally clear on the whole time travel thing.

My point is... You’re not alone, Dirk. I’m going to be here. And I swear, I will not let them get to you again. Unless one of our cases kills me, I will be by your side and the Blackwing bastards have to go through me to get to you. And I’d like to see them try.” Todd explained, his words flowing out much easier than he expected.

Dirk had finally turned to look at him during his speech, his expression unreadable.

  
When Todd was finished, Dirk’s eyes filled with tears and finally he bursted into tears.

  
This took Todd by surprise. A while ago, he could’ve never imagined seeing Dirk Gently cry.

Dirk himself hadn’t cried in... Possibly years. He’d managed to learn a coping mechanism that did not involve tears. Or many feelings at all. The closest he’d come to crying was when Todd had told him he deserved to be alone. Now Todd had promised him he’d never be alone again.

  
For the first time in years, Dirk Gently let himself mourn. Mourn his lost childhood, his loneliness, the torture of Blackwing.  
He let himself feel the pain of it all.

But as Todd carefully wrapped his arms around Dirk, letting him rest his head on Todd’s shoulder, Dirk thought that it might all be okay. One day.

Blackwing was still out there. He was still traumatized. He had years worth of pent up feelings to deal with. But he wasn’t alone. Not anymore. He had Todd.

Todd held the crying detective, feeling the sobs rack through his body. Todd let a few tears escape himself, but he was glad to be there for Dirk.

He was glad Dirk trusted this burden with him. There were hard times ahead of them, for sure, but they’d deal with it.

Together.


End file.
